The secret to living at peace in every moment

He has silenced me like a speechless child, overcome by a reality of her parents love. 

A million miles a minute thoughts pour through my heart, yet not a word can form; only tears… 

And they wash over me like a spring of hope, relief and security. Like a running refugee who just found shelter and news of safety, I savour new realities of who I am and whose I am… and what that tangibly means; what it affords me. 

Where my mind once knew it, my heart now believes it: I’m His, through and through. I belong to God and he delights in me. He doesn’t just love me, he actually likes me!

And the same love that saved me, saves me again and again and it can keep me at peace in every moment.

… if I choose it.

WeddingKailey-Michelle Photo10Kailey-Michelle Photo8

Like the way I love my daughter relentlessly, unabashedly and ever increasingly and I’m not afraid to show it. I want her to know it in her heart and not just her head!

So I’m certain each day to sing praises and affirmation, regardless of what’s unfolded.

Because I want my words to speak life into every crevice of her being.

In doubt, in fear, shame and insecurity, I want my presence to be the love and safety that washes everything else away. 

…. and I want her to be kept there.

… Her heart to stay there in every minute.


That’s exactly what God’s been doing and teaching me: that I too, can be kept at peace by his love. If I’ll receive it and choose to be kept there, than I can rest in every moment.

As I surrender my expectations and accept the present, whatever it looks like, he’s washed joy over me relentlessly.

As I’ve laid my heart out before him- confessing all in unbroken conversation– he’s placed unending rest and peace within me. 

As I’ve forfeited my responsibility to make things happen- whether it’s to change, to do, or to correct- he’s left me dumbfounded as he’s made the impossible possible… how the puzzle pieces just fall into place.


I believed it impossible for most of my life- even my Christian life: that peace could be mine in every moment. And yet

As I’ve learnt to abide, He’s put a stop to my striving, anxiety, shame, fear and negative self talk.

He’s showed me the secret of the Christian life; the key to perfect peace. 


To abide:

  • To remain and stay connected in the presence of The Father. 

  • To accept all that I am and all that I have in Christ, this moment.

  • To expect Jesus to do the work- all the work– of doing, changing, transforming and keeping [me and others].

  • To surrender to Jesus and to wait.

And as I’ve done that, my heart has been kept at perfect peace; at rest in every moment.

It’s mind boggling! 


I watched as my husband carried and played with her; as he sung delight over her heart, unreserved in his affection. Never have I experienced such love before.

I longed for it my whole life, looking desperately in wrong places. 

All the while, my Heavenly Father was waiting for me to run to him, so he could give me exactly that and more; so he could overwhelm me with his love and affection.


And I see it in the way she responds to our affection….

How our love affirms her as she receives it.

How it frees her as she realizes it.

How it transforms her as she experiences it.

How it keeps her as she remembers it. 


And we’re far from perfect. How much more the Fathers love for us? 

Because perfect love casts out fear; it binds up the broken heart, it sets us free, so that fully, in every moment, we can live at peace and rest in Him.

But we must first choose to abide in Christ. 


Father God, I surrender myself this very moment to abide, wholly, only and always in Jesus. Thank you that you keep me there and hold me as your own; that each moment I meet you with my acceptance to abide, I am met with your immediate response: your favour, your forgiveness, your love and delight in me… the resulting peace and rest in every moment. I choose to abide in thee. 


When you crave a relationship more than religion and blank days more than to-do’s

As I look back over the last two years, I see the obvious etchings of a new sculpture being crafted from the old; a new woman emerging refined and reshaped from the gentle strokes of a loving creator.

From the pressures of grief, heartache and unhealed pain, his hands have birthed a new creation. Through slow, intentional time together, he’s made me more in his image. And he’s been unhurried and unafraid of how long it’s taken me to see that the chiseling, while painful, has been for my good. 

But what I didn’t see until now was the subplot of this season; the new story being birthed below the surface.


Where I once longed to do [for him], I now long to be [with him]; to abide in the presence of my Father, my Saviour and my friend, Holy Spirit.

Abide –  connection, dependence, and continuance.

Where I once ran, I now sit- with him and myself in whatever my current state.

Where I once tried to hide, I now readily undress every imperfect part of my emotional soul, longing to be seen and known and loved unconditionally.

Where I once felt unworthy, I now know I’m loved in real time; not in spite of my past, for what I’ve done or even what I dream of doing for his glory, but simply because I am.

Where I once felt rejected, I now feel embraced.

Where I once felt alone, now I’m known intimately, by not only my Father God, but by my husband and my friends.

Where I once pushed away, I now welcome near and where I once wanted more, my quiver feels full.


Through the forced rhythms of suffering, grace came near and became real; palpable for the very first time.

I have drank of the goodness of mercy, peace and comfort. I have ate of the fruit of patience, gentleness and kindness. And in my unravelling, I’ve found stillness in not just the physical, but in my mind and my heart.

My soul has found rest and joy beyond circumstance.

In the quiet of my closet, the rustle of the trees and the giggle of my daughter, my soul has come home.

Amidst the unhurried moments, I’ve discovered a diamond that was always there – buried beneath the dust of my frantic former life.

Where I once felt chained, I now feel free and where life once felt heavy, it now feels light.


28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Where I worshiped the hustle, I now bow before the feet of a saviour- a man who wants my heart, not my hands and all of my attention; more than the works and the words of a woman with something to prove, Jesus wants me near, abiding in the presence of my bridegroom. 

He’s made me Mary, when I once was Martha.

38 Now while they were on their way, Jesus entered a village [called Bethany], and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was continually listening to His teaching. 40 But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” 41 But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42

Will we hustle for our worthiness or will we linger a little longer?

Will be perfect the art of religion or will we rest in the connection of relationship?

Will we make him another to- do list or will he be our best friend? 


One means going and the other means staying, but both require time and intentionality.

The choice is mine…


and ultimately yours. 


Where the Battle’s Won | When your mourning turns to dancing

Over the past few months, life has felt heavy. 

In addition to taking one of the biggest leaps of faith I’ve ever taken, having no clue what the future holds for me, we’re walking through one of the most intense seasons of our marriage yet. Thankfully were on the assent from the valley and the peak of the mountain is in sight. 


On top of that, this new stage of motherhood – moving from babyhood to toddlertown- has proved to reveal many of my weaknesses on a daily basis. Where joy once came easy in every moment,  I’ve found myself having to fight for it and be intentional in choosing it throughout my days. I’ve needed far more help than I ever imagined and I’ve battled guilt and shame over failed expectations of what I’d be like as a mother. 

And then there’s Thursdays, my favourite day of the week as I welcome some of the women closest to my heart into my home. Together we wrestle and grow and encourage and laugh. And while it’s beautiful and profound what happens each week, we’ve been working through the most intense study yet. It’s uncovered deep personal struggles in all of us and we’ll, lets just say that while the intensity isn’t anything I shy away from, it, added to my other realities, has felt back breaking some weeks. 

Over all, my heart has hurt for all the brokenness and suffering in and around me. I’ve had to grieve losses for myself and for others. I’ve had to sit in the darkness of my emotions and not run from them, so that eventually, I could bury them and move on.

I’ve learnt that with every new beginning, there must first be a death. And this season has felt like many small deaths and the subsequent grief that must follow to properly heal. 


This may all sound cryptic but the truth is, much of what I’m walking through is only privy to God and the people it involves and that’s ok. 

I’ve had to remind myself that as people on the outside looking in have judged me and my circumstance.

I’ve had to remind myself of what they’re not seeing and of the hope that I cling to every day…. 

The hope and the promises that God has given me in this season: That he is doing something entirely new! That he is making streams in the wastelands of my life and building a road to a place I’ve only imagined. 


And that I must properly let go and fully trust him, in order to move forward. He’s been gentle and so kind and his presence has never felt deeper. 


But I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been a test of my faith. It’s been a daily choice, a daily seeking and daily re-commitment to trust and believe. I’ve discovered what faith really is in this season: believing for what is unseen even when it doesn’t make sense. 

And like the sun after a break in the rain, he’s turned my mourning into dancing. 



How. How do we seek? How do we trust? How do we believe even when it feels ridiculous?

For me it’s been a process and many days a discipline:

  1. Learning his voice [which, like in any relationship, takes time together and learning about each other] 
  2. Eliminating distractions [being intentional about regularly spending times in silence and in solitude to both pray and just listen
  3. Being honest with God about what is going on in my heart each time I pray  [I’ve found the more honest I am with God, no matter how ugly or messy it is, the more I experienced his presence and response] 

Faith isn’t a one size fits all walk and I believe we all experience God differently. He speaks to each of us in different ways – ways that resonate with us as individuals.

I don’t claim to have all the answers or the only way, but I can promise this:

God delivers. He shows up. I don’t know how or in what ways he’ll do that for you but I know that when we seek him [not just for what he can do for us and to get answers to our prayers, but to known him: who he is and what he’s like] with our whole heart, he shows up.  And many times, he shows off!

In my earnest pleas to know him- in crying out for him to show me how he feels for me, personally – God has made himself radically known to me in ways I cannot deny. And he wants to do the same for you.