When you’re tired of beating yourself up for not being good enough

If forgiveness takes away what stands between you and someone else, then forgiving yourself takes away what stands between you and your heart made whole.

The Holy Spirit is screaming of your innocence at each moment, but your wounds scream about your supposed faults. God sees us as we REALLY are, and since we are the perfect image of a perfect God, He sure does love what He sees when He looks at us.

You don’t have faults. You simply have wounds. Your wounds are the places you have judged as ‘not enough’ or ‘unlovable,’ so what if you could forgive yourself for your wounds today, even as they’re being healed?

1) Put your hand on your heart.
2) Close your eyes.
3) Say this out loud: “God does not want to punish me. Christ was punished enough. God wants to heal me. And I will be like Him, so I will forgive myself.”
4) Say this out loud as many times as you need until it sinks in…

“I forgive you, (name), for being wounded.” – Christa Black Gifford | Heart Made Whole 

Kailey, I forgive you for all the times you choose to live small, afraid and chained by your pain. I understand why- truly I do – and from today forward, I choose to simply sit with you in your hurt and give you grace, just as God gives you each moment. I will not blame you, I will not judge you and I will no longer try to fix you!


I forgive you for being so easily offended.

For so much of your life you’ve felt misunderstood and your heart misrepresented by people’s assumptions. You’ve wanted those closest to you to see you for your strengths and your goodness, rather than your faults and imperfections.

I forgive you for having no boundaries, for people pleasing and doing things out of obligation.

Time and again people have emotionally withdrawn from you or gotten upset when you haven’t acted the way they would like or when you haven’t met their expectations. Your greatest desire is connection, so I can see your fear in not meeting their ideals.

I forgive you for pushing your feelings aside for the benefit of others, to avoid conflict or others anger.

You didn’t know any better and believed that others emotional health was your responsibility. You’re still learning to establish boundaries and to see your emotions as valuable tools.

I forgive you for striving and performing.

Growing up, the attention you did receive was from the things you accomplished, your hunger to grow/improve and for your ferocious work ethic. Although the attention was a counterfeit substitute for love, you took it because it temporarily soothed the hurt of people not staying.  It came from a place of longing to know unconditional love.

I forgive you for worrying and falling prey to paralyzing anxiety.

You felt unsafe and unprotected int his world from the early age of six. You felt it was your responsibility to keep yourself safe and that’s a heavy burden for a child to carry.

I forgive you for seeking the acceptance, approval and love of people more than God.

You’ve experienced rejection in some of your most significant relationship which told you you weren’t good enough. You longed desperately to have someone in your corner who would stay, even when things got hard or you stepped on their toes in your imperfections.

I forgive you for being mad at God, for seeing him as a bully and a punisher; the source of your pain and suffering.

From an early age you were taught about God’s wrath and about religion- a set of do’s an don’t– , rather than relationship with Jesus. You experienced the death of a loved one so young and the messy wrestlings of why bad things happen to good people. It too much for a child to understand. You’ve experienced the churches attempts to tie suffering up in a pretty bow, void of empathy for your personal hurt and experiences. How could you see things any different?

I forgive you for seeing yourself as the main character and heroin of the story, rather than God.

You fell so deeply in love with Jesus so fast and your heart rejoiced in finally hearing YOU MATTER. The child in you needs to soak up the love and attention from your Father, God, to truly come to know her true value in Christ.

I forgive you for judging others and not trusting that God is at work in their life transforming them in his ways and time.

You were taught that if you want something done, you better do it yourself and commit ’till completion. You were made with this drive and a heaping dose of discipline which has aided you in your faith journey. But you’re still learning  that it’s not about what you can do but what’s already been done for you on the cross. You’re still learning that it’s when you let go and stop trying that God finally begins to work miracles. You’re still learning that his way and timing are always, always better than your own – because truth is, your ideas are pretty great sometimes! 😉

I forgive you being afraid of failing and of making mistakes in your decisions.

Because for a long time, you made some pretty poor ones! It comes from a place of so desperately wanting to remain close to God and to stay in his will for your life. You’re just discovering that your faith is like a pendulum attached to a centre axis point; God is that axis point and while you may swing right to left, you will always return to centre.

I forgive you for punishing yourself when you make mistakes, like reacting in your anger.

You suppressed your anger for so many years and your learning to see your anger as a friend rather than a foe. This is a healthy and vital part of establishing boundaries! Your punishing yourself is out of a desiring for personal growth and to walk in the personhood of who God knows you’ll become.

I forgive you for clinging to your expectations and for being heartbroken when they’re not met.

So much of your life has been full of hurt and disappointment and yet you continued to stay strong, with a positive and hopeful outlook. Life continues to get harder in many facets and it seems you’re constantly reminded of your faults and how far you have to go.  You’re tired and you feel let down. Grieving expectations is healthy so that you can move into the future without looking back.

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Kailey, God is not surprised by these things and he forgives you in real time- past, future and more important, present! So I will too!

I resign as chief accountability keeper of your shortcomings, knowing The Holy Spirit is your guide and he speaks correction to you in the way your heart is able to receive in love.

I will choose to speak like over you for all that you ARE, imperfectly, in this present moment, trusting that God is at work in your heart and in your life. In his way and in his time, he will continue to transform you into wholeness.

My job here forward is to to be your friend and your encourager; to offer you forgiveness and my empathy. I promise to take it seriously…

I love you.



For the sake of it.


Be the kind of person who can bestow unearned kindness on another, replace bitterness with empathy and forgive, simply for the sake of forgiving.

I want to be this kind of person, wholeheartedly, regardless of the circumstance. Because really, forgiveness and undeserved kindness does not mean you forfeit or that you’re weak. it does not excuse ill-mannered actions or disregard transgression. It simply frees us, from the painful heartache of holding a grudge.

And while its difficult at times, I know I’m getting better than my testy Scorpio ways. With God’s preserverence, he continues to shape my views and deeply reveal his truth: That in life- marriage, friendship and even business, kindness is the answer, always. No matter how difficult, unnerving and undeserved it may be.

I’m sure that’s how he feels about us, most, err, some days!

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:8

Not by my deeds, action or merits- but by Love, I am shown kindness.

Authentic Leadership

Many us were meant to lead, but not in the traditional sense of the word.

Yes, some of us were meant to stand at a podium, speaking out to thousands of eager ears. But others, in greater number, were meant to lead those around us; our family, friends, workplace and even community. In areas where people trust us enough to listen and act upon our words AND our actions. Whether it’s a a difficult time in someone’s life, a bad habit they wish to break, a way of life or even in day to day motions, we can help guide, inspire and lead people in a positive direction; towards authenticity and a place where their inner self, matches their outer self. {for me, this place is a place where God the Father lives, in our hearts and helps to mold us each and every day, into the people we were meant to be.}

At times, we fail to see this as a wondrous opportunity and without purposeful intent on our part, we can turn this gift into a curse.

“You cannot create an outer life that’s any/more ______, than your inner life’s______.”

You can apply this statement to any character trait or adjective you wish to present to this world; Bigger, Stronger, Successful, Influential, Graceful, or even Godly.

To authentically lead, we must look inward first! If our inner self is not parallel with our outer self, our facade will eventually break, many times, leaving us vulnerable to hypocrisy. We’ve all met these people: you meet them and they seem to have it all together: the loving, connected family, the successful and thriving career, the strong moral values, the lively and active church community, the centered wholeness. (Insert whatever desires of your heart you look for in other people. Don’t kid yourself, we all do it!) 

Time goes by and what appeared to be, is slowly falling to the ground; the connected family eats separately and the equality in partners, is realistically anything but. The thriving career is a financial success but it takes away from family time and comes first, always. The moral values separate them from those who think differently, creating a barrier of un-acceptance. The admirable church community is a group of self motivators, that fail to reach out and touch the lives of those who need it most. And finally, that centered wholeness is nothing but a cover up. Deep down is a host of insecurity and inner brokenness.

For those of you with your mouths wide open, shocked at such boldness, hear me out…. each of us, in one facet or another can be grouped into this scenario, including me. It’s not because we’re terrible people or that we wish to disceve the world. I believe it to be shame and due to this shame, we choose to push it out of sight, hide it under the rug and look forward. We choose to present our desired selves to the world, before we’ve looked inward and worked to overcome our brokeness.  We must first forgive ourselves of our iniquities and our past and present that to a God who will mold our hearts a-new. must  We must simply ask! 

Sure, we’re all a work in progress and never will we have reached a place of “perfection,” but by looking inwards first, we are being truly authentic in our approach. By accepting ourselves with forgiveness and a desire to change/grow, rather than ignorance and denial, we pave the way for a genuine portrayal. We begin to see that brokeness as beautiful and present our true selves to the world. And in doing so, we begin to know compassion and mercy, just as we’ve come to know of ourselves; in turn, we will treat others with such grace. We will come to know acceptance and will encourage others, just as we do ourselves. And inevitably, we become equals, with no division, where there’s a sense of community for all.

Because in reality, we are all a broken people. But when our hearts change first, we change. This is to lead authentically.

How beautiful is that?!