When you need a fresh perspective and a nudge to let go

I live in a four story apartment, nestled at the edge of the Burrard Inlet. Every room is privy to a view of the ocean.

It’s breathtaking, to say the least, and with every changing season, my awe of it’s Creator – my Creator- is renewed.


Today was no different. In fact, each morning this week I’ve found myself glued to the window just staring and reflecting; letting my heart overflow and my internal groans be lifted up in silent prayer.

I know that Holy Spirit speaks for me, but i’m just beginning to trust that in the silence, my connection is just as strong as in my spoken prayers.

The Spirit steps in and articulates prayers for us with groaning too profound for words. He who pursues and explores the human heart intimately knows the Spirit’s mind because He pleads to God for His saints to align their lives with the will of God. – Romans 8:26 | The Voice Translation

This morning, I felt called to go outside – to go down to the waters edge. I wanted to immerse myself in the marvel – the colors, the sights, the sounds of creation. And so I did.

But when I got there, something struck me. Every thing looked different.


While still beautiful, albeit, it didn’t hold the same luster and sparkle as from above- from the view in my fourth story apartment. And then it hit me.

In my home, I get God’s perspective.

I see this postcard perfect picture the way he does  -the way he designed it to look all together.

I see the harmony of every plant, land, sky and creature coming together to create one masterpiece.

I see the symphony of colours collide, reflect and complement one another in their totality. All parts of one whole.

But down here – from this limited view point – I’m only privy to parts of the whole. Standing this close, it’s far easier to zero in and focus on the individual pieces.


I forget about the big picture down here. I only see whats right in front of me.

It wont be until I walk further that I’ll see whats on the other side.


But from up there – from God’s perspective – I can see everything!  I can see how it all works together for Good. The whole’s good. 


I need this reminder this morning:

From my perspective, it’s far too easy to get caught up in the close and right in front of me. To zero in on me and forget all about the grandeur plan. To pay far too much attention to myself, forgetting that my life and my story, are one part – one creature, one plant, one colour hue – of a whole postcard perfect picture.

I am one part of a whole body and together – every part – will make up a perfect whole.

I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less.

A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together.

If Foot said, “I’m not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don’t belong to this body,” would that make it so? If Ear said, “I’m not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don’t deserve a place on the head,” would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell?

As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.

But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of.

An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, “Get lost; I don’t need you”? Or, Head telling Foot, “You’re fired; your job has been phased out”? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the “lower” the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach.

When it’s a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons.

25-26 The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don’t, the parts we see and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.

27-31 You are Christ’s body—that’s who you are! You must never forget this.

Only as you accept your part of that body does your “part” mean anything. – 1 Corinthians 12 | The Message Version

It was my reminder to rest from striving, to abide and seek Jesus and to release every plan, timeline and expectation to the grand orchestrator.

To trust God to use me – in his time and ways, exactly as he purposed and fashioned me – as part of his grandeur plan.



Pray with me, friend:

Lord, I remain in you, as you remain in me. I connect myself to the vine, so I may bear fruit. I cease striving and fighting this moment. I release the timelines i’ve created and the expectations I’ve put on you, myself and others. I will stop initiating and simply remain with you. Reclaim my soul, oh Lord, that it may cling passionately to you. I will not demand answers or try to control outcomes – in life or even in this moment, in my time with you. I will know and trust that you are God. I am not. I choose to abide – to remain, to stay and to connect with you. Move Holy Spirit in ways I can not imagine. In Jesus’ name. Amen.


When you feel like a failure as a mom and you’re convinced you’ll ruin your kid

Anxiety plagued me for days and despite my valiant efforts to look within and determine the source, it wasn’t until this morning that I saw them.

Failed Expectations.

This isn’t the first time my expectations have caused me to worry and become anxious. It isn’t the first time they’ve stolen not only my joy, but my peace and the ability to clearly see whats right in front of me.

But these weren’t just any expectations, they were the deep longings of my heart;  the false expectations I had of me and my mothering.

Before I become mom and even as I’ve worn the title these last 13 months, I confess that I expected it to be all naps and snuggles, giggles and playtime. That she would perfectly fit into our old lives, love it herself, always act delightful and that our joy would multiple. That I would always delight in her, in return and in my role as her mother all the time- in every minute.

I thought that I would wake each morning eager to be with her and that I’d never want to be without her.

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That when life got hard, I would see the challenge through the lens of wisdom, compassion and a hunger to learn and grow. That tears would be few and regret none existent.

And that each moment, I would revel in the present moment, etching the beauty of it on my heart and giving thanks for it. 

I thought that because I had experienced the death of a child in my early years and trauma amidst my humble beginnings as a mother, that I would never take a moment for granted! And if I’m really honest, that because my hopes for motherhood were not (all together) selfish and focused on frivolous or materialistic things, that God would bless that!

In truth, this was much of my early experiences of motherhood.

While I may have been downing in tears of grief and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), God used my daughter to draw me to him – to turn my mourning into dancing. She was the break in my everyday darkness for nine consecutive weeks. She turned my heart and my head rightside up and so many things, like my priorities, my worries, and fears, suddenly fell into place.

She pushed me to look honestly at myself, for her sake, and deal with the ugly and hurt parts of me I’d hidden away for years, emerging on the other side a free, wholehearted and confident woman. She taught me to fully live and embrace life with the people right in front of me without distraction.

Then suddenly the page turned, we entered a new chapter and I went from just being with and experiencing life with her, to raising her. To failing every single day at being my best self for her – the self I liked and prided myself on being as a mother.


Instead, I’ve had to fight daily to respond rather than react, to have patience, show compassion and choose joy in the wake of struggle. I’ve let anxiety and fear steal the moment- our moments- and bait me with notions that I will forever fail and struggle in my role as her mom. And that perhaps I’m only cut out to be a baby momma and will cease to be what she needs. That I won’t be able to love her well or help her know and experience unconditional love and acceptance.

I’ve compared myself to the women around me who seem to thrive in motherhood and delight – even rave- about being with their children 24/7 and wouldn’t have it any other way. Comparing myself to women who juggle solo, not knowing the throngs of help or are privileged the gift of a village to help raise their child, like I am – and still they want more children.

And here I am struggling with one child and ample hands to help raise her along side me. Guilt and shame suffocate me.


For a moment I feel helpless and wish I were like them, willing myself to be different, believing she needs those kind of women as her momma.

Until I realize I’ve entirely missed the point.

I’ve believed the lie that true joy comes without suffering or sacrifice – without being challenged or stretched beyond my comfort zones.

And I’ve forgotten the thing I need to remember most: that God chose me, not them, to be her mother and her to be my child. It’s not by accident! He chose us for each other, specifically and with purpose. God sees every day of our lives and knows exactly what we need most – what will serve us best- in the people we each are, how he’s made us, designed us and gifted us as two individuals- me her mother, her my daughter.

And God’s plans are always for the good of those who love him; to give us a hope and a future.


But it’s not in my strength or hers that we will proposer, but in our weakness, because it’s there – in that place- that God’s power is made perfect. In our weaknesses we will seek him and see our need for him clearly. Our weaknesses will move us to step aside long enough to give God the reigns and take the wheel. Because  with him at the head, we will never be led off course.

So today, (and every day if I need to) I am laying down my expectations and my plans. I will own my weaknesses in motherhood and give my insecurities to God. And I will refuse to parent out of fear, but in love  because love covers a multitude of mistakes, of which I am chief. And I will trust God and his grace to bring us through.


7-10 So I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees.  At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 | The Message



rage against the machine

As I put on and took off every article of work out gear I owned, I poked and prodded at my body.  The mirror silently mocked me, as I wished away his temple – the vary place he chooses to dwell, in me- to call home, despite its bumps and bruises.

No, our King does not demand luxury, or a polished palace of perfection. He first chose hay and now he’s chosen me.

Rather than being grateful for all my body gives me and honouring the beauty in how I was created, I focus on every morsel of imperfection.  I allow the taunting to suffocate me till I’m knees to the floor weeping in despair.

I’m not good enough, pretty enough or perfect enough. The minute I start to let go and start to live free- to not live handcuffed to his lies and bound by chains of perfectionism- I’m right back here, hating myself.

I know better, but still I lie myself, buying into Satan’s game.




He taunts back.

It’s ok. Just get back on track; return to your old routine. You’ve got this. You can control this.

I stop the tears and hear the thoughts for what they are. Lies.


We return from the gym, that sweet friend and I. And as we stand in the kitchen I listen as the lies spill out, this time from her mouth and not my own.

The hate. The comparison. The despair of imperfection.

The if only’s of wanting to look like so and so.

STOP! I said. This needs to stop. We’re stripping each other of our worth. While I’m tearing myself apart, you’re begging to be someone else and we’re quietly killing ourselves!

We are more than our bodies. More than the food. More than the numbers of times we hit the gym.


It needs to stop. Right here. Right now. It begins with you and me.

Friend, We were made in his imagine and crafted with purpose; a masterpiece uniquely of its own. There will never be another you in all the world, so truly what are you waiting for?

When we own our self worth and the temple in which we’ve been given, we subconsciously give others permission to do the same. When we shine our light and embrace our imperfections, we allow others the space to also.

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If I’d stop comparing, so would you and together we’ll find healing and wholeness. 

Friends, Satan’s winning a silent holocaust, while you and I rally him on.

Let’s start living like real women and stop using each other as his victory lap!



Today, call out the beauty in your girlfriend,  your mother or even a stranger. Tell them what you love about them, what you believe is their greatest feature.

Yes. I know we’re more than our looks but taking a moment, to honour the beauty of creation- cause thats what you and I are- won’t kill us or make us arrogant.

Maybe it’ll be the one sentence she’ll remember all day, that will put a spring in her step and help her thank God for what he’s blessed her with… herself!