As I look back over the last two years, I see the obvious etchings of a new sculpture being crafted from the old; a new woman emerging refined and reshaped from the gentle strokes of a loving creator.
From the pressures of grief, heartache and unhealed pain, his hands have birthed a new creation. Through slow, intentional time together, he’s made me more in his image. And he’s been unhurried and unafraid of how long it’s taken me to see that the chiseling, while painful, has been for my good.
But what I didn’t see until now was the subplot of this season; the new story being birthed below the surface.
Where I once longed to do [for him], I now long to be [with him]; to abide in the presence of my Father, my Saviour and my friend, Holy Spirit.
Abide – connection, dependence, and continuance.
Where I once ran, I now sit- with him and myself in whatever my current state.
Where I once tried to hide, I now readily undress every imperfect part of my emotional soul, longing to be seen and known and loved unconditionally.
Where I once felt unworthy, I now know I’m loved in real time; not in spite of my past, for what I’ve done or even what I dream of doing for his glory, but simply because I am.
Where I once felt rejected, I now feel embraced.
Where I once felt alone, now I’m known intimately, by not only my Father God, but by my husband and my friends.
Where I once pushed away, I now welcome near and where I once wanted more, my quiver feels full.
Through the forced rhythms of suffering, grace came near and became real; palpable for the very first time.
I have drank of the goodness of mercy, peace and comfort. I have ate of the fruit of patience, gentleness and kindness. And in my unravelling, I’ve found stillness in not just the physical, but in my mind and my heart.
My soul has found rest and joy beyond circumstance.
In the quiet of my closet, the rustle of the trees and the giggle of my daughter, my soul has come home.
Amidst the unhurried moments, I’ve discovered a diamond that was always there – buried beneath the dust of my frantic former life.
Where I once felt chained, I now feel free and where life once felt heavy, it now feels light.
28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
Where I worshiped the hustle, I now bow before the feet of a saviour- a man who wants my heart, not my hands and all of my attention; more than the works and the words of a woman with something to prove, Jesus wants me near, abiding in the presence of my bridegroom.
He’s made me Mary, when I once was Martha.
38 Now while they were on their way, Jesus entered a village [called Bethany], and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was continually listening to His teaching. 40 But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” 41 But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42
Will we hustle for our worthiness or will we linger a little longer?
Will be perfect the art of religion or will we rest in the connection of relationship?
Will we make him another to- do list or will he be our best friend?
One means going and the other means staying, but both require time and intentionality.
The choice is mine…
and ultimately yours.