It’s 6 o’clock and by all accounts I’m fried.
You still haven’t eaten dinner, despite my gallant efforts and I’m counting down the minutes until your dad gets home. Truth is, I’ve given up. I want him to feed you, then put you to bed, ’cause I’m tired and absolutely done.
My tone is sharp and I don’t want it to be. I’m sorry. My patience is beyond mustering. I’m sorry. But the truth is, my love, momma is perfectly spent!
For a split second, I’m tempted to begin the checklist of all the things I’ve done today, the majority for others and not for me. I’m tempted to give myself a solid dose of selfish praise then wallow in self pity.
I’m tempted to feel guilty and beat myself up, that yet again, I’ve barely made it to the end of my day before making it to the end of myself!
But for one brave second I stop.
But how else would I want it? To get to the end of my day perfectly relaxed, full of p**sing vinegar and raring to go?
I’m spent from spending myself well.
I spent today loving you, from endless food patrol, diaper changes, giggle fits and story times; play ground trips and hide and seek and setting boundaries even when it hurt.
I spent today sharing my gratitude to friends who show up and family that takes care, to God for his gifts and husbands who help.
I spent today sharing others tears and hugging it out and talking about Jesus when they needed him most.
I spent today praying bold prayers and begging for healing for me, my family, my friends and even theirs.
I spent today using my gifts to worship The Lord and hopefully lead others to his heart with my story.
I’m spent because I spent myself on the people and things that matter the most. I gave it my all and I didn’t hold back, so I shouldn’t be shocked when I’ve got nothing left.
So, as I throw my hands up and body just follows, I’m giving myself the only thing I’ve got left: grace.
And His grace is sufficient for me.
Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for people. – Colossians 3:23