Our friends used to say this to their kids, as they taught them about integrity and the value of doing what you say you’ll do – being of your word.
Delayed Obedience is Disobedience.
It wasn’t until yesterday that I put myself in their shoes and realized how many times I’ve disobeyed God, wrongfully believing that if I eventually got around to doing what he had told me – if I knew I’d eventually get to it – then I was good.
The truth is, I’ve kept one foot in and one foot out for months – six to be exact.
Fear of the unknown, my desire to have a pretty answer for people and my need for control, all kept me from moving when God had showed me clearly He path he wanted me to walk.
But it was narrow, foggy and completely un blazed. So I walked to the entrance gate and hung out there for a while, slowing taking one step forward and two steps back.
It’s been a forward progress, but a timid and slow one.
I’ve delayed starting the treck, walking from the path I know to a new unknown one- one I feel completely ill equipped for. I packed my bags and mentally prepared, but I’d yet to start the journey.
Yesterday, after six months of God’s silence on the matter, I realized my wrong; my delayed disobedience.
“Why are you not answering me Lord?” as I demanded more from him, one ridiculous fleece after the other. “If this happens, then God must want this.” I’d say.
All the while, unrest and anxiety heavy upon me.
And finally his silence broke.
“I told you already, child. Why are you still asking me?
I told you in September my anointing (blessing) is no longer on this and if you continue down this path, you will be doing it in your strength. I have other plans for you.”
But I wanted him to show me what!
I wanted assurance that what I was about to gain was better than what I was leaving behind.
He had shown me the door, given me the keys, but I wanted the map and a GPS.
Because what I had – what I had build – I had done with all my heart, mind and soul. I’d given it 1000% of me and all for His Glory!
But truth is, I knew long ago this chapter was almost over. I felt it in my bones.
And yet, in his patience and gentleness, God humoured me. He let me come to my senses and see my wrong for myself. He didn’t have to; He’s God!
He could have ripped it from my hands. He could have turned everything upside down or hit me over the head with it again and again until I listened.
Instead, he lovingly sat with me and waited in kind silence, like a father would.
Today I finally listened.
It took 20 seconds of insane courage, admitting my disobedience and taking the first step towards obedience. It was hard, it was humbling and some what sad. But I know this, more than anything else:
God’s plans are always better than mine.