God is Faithful | My Freedom from Disordered Eating

Yet, I will wait for the Lord who is hiding his face from the decedents of Jacob. – Isaiah 8: 17

As I read the commentary, I stopped, at first in defeat and then to reconsider. It read:

Sometimes waiting is one of our greatest tests in life. Some prophesies took 700 years to fulfill, while others still haven’t been fulfilled in our lifetime.

Read that again.

Seriously?! That’s a heck of a long time. 

I don’t know about you but that doesn’t seem good enough for my impatient, control desiring, freedom seeking, answer wanting, self. You? 

And then I read:

Yet, God is faithful.

Even still. Regardless. God is faithful. Period end of story.
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I took a second to consider it in my own life as I put pen to paper and starting writing my gratitudes for the day.

 

2223. Praying God would change my mood yesterday, from hostile and cold to joyful and confident, regardless of others moods/beliefs/circumstances.

And he did, within an hour!

2224. Praying God would help me be undistracted with my daughter and have joy being in the moment soaking her in.

And he did; all day long, that very day!

 

Ok. Cool. God does answer prayers, I reminded myself. But those were easy ones…..

 

DSC_0107 DSC_0081 Gratitude Worksheet

2225.  (Full Disclosure Alert) When I’m in a group of women I no longer feel body conscious, comparing myself to them or looking at others’ waist lines to either beat myself up with or make myself feel better. Actually, I don’t even think to do that anymore! It doesn’t even hit my radar!

You have no idea what a miracle this is.

 

For years, no matter where I was or what I was doing, whether I had starved myself skinny or binged myself bloated, the chains of disordered eating and body image held me hostage. It stole not only my confidence, but my joy and my ability to be fully present.

Not only was this harmful to me, but to others, because I could never love them without judging them first (yikes! Thats an ugly truth); nor could I fully listen and be there with them because my thoughts were entirely consumed on ME.

It took me years to see my food and body issues as more than harmful, but selfish and ultimately, a sin. 

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I kept going.

2226. I can truly enjoy food without fear of it (making me fat) and in moderation, even resisting foods that aren’t the best for me.

 

2227. I can resist joining in with emotional binging when others are doing it.

 

2228. When I do slip up-  eat too much junk, binge or even realize I’m subconsciously choosing not to eat- I don’t let the guilt eat me alive. I use it as a cue that it’s time to acknowledge my error and simply move on, praying that God would help me to make better choices starting now.

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Hello!!!! If I could put one million exclamation marks beside that I would. What a miracle this is. Oh my Great God!!!! You are faithful!!!

Until this morning I hadn’t fully realized the extent of my answered prayer.

You see, after battling with disordered eating and body issues for most of my youth and adult life, I’ve been praying- prostrate on the floor- (think screaming at demons and audibly claiming God’s promises and declaring truth over myself) for God to take this disease from me… for 10 years! ; begging him to heal me, entirely and give me freedom from the destruction of disordered eating.

Friends, this has not been a passive fight. It’s been a battle! And I’ve waged war on a daily basis. Yet for 10 years I felt like God would never fully heal me; that like Paul, this would be the forever “thorn in my side.” 

And still I praised him. I gave him Glory. I trusted him to use it for good.

 

And now here I sit today a free and victorious woman in Christ.

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Wow. Those words feel absolutely surreal to type.

To be honest, I want to backspace; delete those words in fear that saying it will somehow make them fleeting and me backslide into old ways.

But I know that in life I will be tempted and I will NEED (active present tense) God to continue to walk in freedom. I cannot do it on my own. But with God, I CAN DO ALL THINGS.

WHEN I AM WEAK (and God knows, I am so weak when it comes to body image and food) HE IS STRONGEST.

 

God is faithful. Period. End of story.

 

So the question is: will we continue to trust him, even if it takes 700 years to answer our prayers or if we never see the answer in our lifetime?

What is it you’re waiting on God for?

 

 

_________________

Disordered eating and body image is a disease and I believe wholeheartedly in seeking the assistance and counsel of professionals on the path to healing. I worked for 6 months with FREE TO BE COUNSELLING to discover the root of my issues and start working on reordering my distorted mind.

Ultimately, God is the only one who can free us and make us whole again, but we can’t just sit back and expect him to do everything (which is largely what I had done for 9.5 years). We must do our part also and for me this was the difference.

Other resources I found helpful:

  • It’s Not How you Look, It’s What you See – Lisa Bevere
  • ReShaping it All – Candace Cameron Bure
  • Devotions for a Healthier You – Katie Farrell

 

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One thought on “God is Faithful | My Freedom from Disordered Eating

  1. I love this! I’m so happy I stumbled across your blog. I struggle with my own food issues, faith and emotional issues and this was so uplifting.

For a long time I felt unnoticed and longed for community- to find “my people.” You are it! Please know your presence here means something to me, so don’t be a stranger. I read every comment both on the blog and on social media and do my absolute best to respond to every one!

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