Jesus tells us that the path to him is narrow and the gate, small… only a few will find it. [Matt. 7:14]
And yet on so many days, I fight the hard stuff and want desperately for my life to be comfortable and easy.
…For things to go back to the way they “used to be.”
…For life to magically jump back to a time with less responsibilities and more “freedom.” [Ha! Now that’s a joke, because in the years I’m dreaming of, I was bound by lies of shame, guilt, self hatred and an incessant pursuit of perfectionism that left me feeling unworthy and never good enough]
When I’m fighting the urge to run from my current circumstances, I find myself grasping for things of comfort:
….old TV shows I watched as a child or in an “easier” season of life. Comfort
….The need to constantly be out and about being entertained or with people. Distraction
….Feel good books or blogs that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like everything is going to be ok. Peace
All counterfeit. All Worldly.
And then I slowly start to notice the effects; my prayers become brief and my devotional time routine, like I’m frantic to “get them done” so I can hurry on to something else that’ll make me feel good. “Happy and light” for a moment.
I run, to all the wrong places and things, seeking the vary things only HE can give me:
- The strength and courage to keep going, even when I can’t see the light at the end of the season
- Comfort that allows me to rest in him, right where I am
- Peace that surpasses all understanding, reason and circumstance
- Joy, to dance in the midst of the rain, instead of waiting for it to pass
- Trust, that He knows me, loves me and has a plan for me
- Surrender, to his will, his plans and his ways
My husband and I knew from the start of 2014 that this year was going to be one of change. Don’t ask us why, but somehow we knew. It seems that for every few years of “coasting,” he throws us a curve ball year of “change.” Or as I like to put it when I’m through the chaos and lessons… Seasons of Growth.
It’s in these years or seasons that I’ve done the most growing spirtually, personally and professionally. Because what the heart knows, the heart lives and out of the heart the mouth speaks.
And when love, true love, enters your heart, it can’t help but overflow into every area of your life.
In these hard seasons, I know that’s what He’s teaching me. He’s increasing my capacity to love deeper and to know him more.
But renovations of any kind are never easy, especially renovations of the heart! They might seem fun and exciting in the dreaming stage, but once your knees deep in the mess and chaos, it’s hard to see the end goal or even remember why you wanted to start this crazy project in the first place.
It’s in those moments, where I sit right now, that I’m reaching out and asking him to grab ahold of me. To pull me up on to the ledge of one covered piece of furniture, so I can see from his perspective how things will surely come together.
Time, patience, hard work, persistence and faith in the process.
I hear him whisper…
The road is narrow and the gate small. But the rewards are perfect and worth it, dear child. Just wait.