There are things in life we can’t make sense of – situations some feel can’t possibly represent a loving God watching over us; circumstances that seem beyond “good” to them or necessary in being used for God’s Glory.
There’s much we don’t understand. Ample we can’t comprehend.
The fog can feel so thick it’s suffocating. Darkness can be all encompassing, that our eyes are defiant to adjust- to register even the slimmest glimmer of light.
Frustation swarms. Resentment builds. Hearts harden.
And like the Israelites, sometimes what seems like obvious proof of His goodness beyond circumstance- signs, wonders, encounters, experiences- isn’t enough. Emotions get in the way and reality is an all consuming darkness.
They may see God, but deep seeded hurt – the weight of decades worth of broken dreams piling at the feet- keeps them from surrendering to belief – to move beyond acknowledgement to acceptance.
Instead of accepting grace, they choose armour, the result of a hard life lived- deflecting God at lightening speed.
In a world so wounded and broken, some days witness more of these encounters, than the joy and peace he promises – even in my own family.
But I’ve spent so long making it about me; bruised by their refusal to listen to anything that doesn’t match the image of God they’ve created in their head – marred by their words that cut like a knife – that leave me feeling alone, like a freak, holding hope for a magical fairyland in the sky.
Drop the “Jesus Freak” – I’m simply “freak” in a foreign land.
And when they heard that the Lord was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped. ~ Exodus 4: 29-31
I read it and nearly weeped.
In protest, I’ve spend far too much time, throwing proof at defiant feet – shoving “good news” wrapped as a list of steps to allegiance, rather than sharing a love song so personal.
Me, who wakes to symphonies of my creator, who hears him whisper in the afternoon and falls in love with him by evening, has chosen to lash my loved ones with rules, before they know he truly cares.. before they understand that they are loved and he has seen them in their misery.
Isn’t that what we all want? Someone to coddle us in love and kindness- to smother us in adoration and compassion – to assure our ever adolescent hearts that hurt, that everything will be ok – that there’s a reason for our pain and while we may not understand it now, soon we will see in the brightness of day!
Jesus answered him, “You don’t understand yet what I am doing, but in time you will understand.” ~ John 13:7
…To know in the deepest recesses of our hearts and to see with our very own eyes, that everything – every moment of heartache and every season of darkness- will work together for the good of those who love.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28
Lord forgive me for putting the cart before the horse; for failing to cloth myself in compassion and be one with those who hurt. Cleanse me from my wrong and give me a heart that loves like you do. May I wear your mercies and kindness like a breast plate and offer it to those who are wounded in battle.
And then- after they’ve felt your nearness and known your love- may I walk with them in patience for the day that they will call upon your name in longing – a heart ready and willing to receive the healing only you can provide.
Praise be to him who is love in every facet and victory in every circumstance.