When all seems hopeless and you feel like a freak

“That’s a lofty dream.” My Grandmother nearly whispered it, almost hesitant, I think somewhat saddened by what she’d say next. “Just remember. You’re only one person and it’s hard to change the world.”

My heart sank for her. That isn’t my Jesus at all, I thought.


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Sensitive to not invite another eye roll from that evenings family dinner with my “Jesus freak talk”, I quietly shared…

“Well for me, it’s not about numbers or quantity. If I can help save even one person from the pain and hardship- change the trajectory of even one life or one marriage- then I want to. And that’s success in my eyes.”

I was quiet for a moment. Unsettled. That wasn’t the full truth. So I finished, no longer caring how I looked, or sounded.

“Jesus cared about the one life- the one sheep. He invested in the lives of twelve, which eventually changed the entire world. He is the perfect example of love, because God is love. Who am I then to think that modelling exactly that is a waste of time or not worth spending my life on?”

I could feel the weight of decades worth of broken dreams piling at her feet- the armour she wears , the result of a hard life lived- deflecting my words at lightening speed.

She said nothing.

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I remember the day that would have broke me- her silence throwing me into a tizzy of “I’m different dispare,”; and for days I would fight for the ones I love most to hear the Gospel and not reject it – wanting desperately for my family to understand me, to not think i’m wierd or that this is just another phase, “a Jesus phase,” that will too, soon pass.

But instead, my heart ached for the things that break His; here,  a women, so beautiful, so loved, so treasured and CHOSEN and she doesn’t even know it! Or maybe she does, yet continues to choose darkness and live with clenched fists raised high, rather than open palms receiving grace.

So I did the only thing I could think of – the one thing that can soften that heart and open it to the rhythums of his ways with thanks – I prayed.

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Lord, sometimes life feels so broken and people appear hopeless. On many days, it feels like we’re a one man army, standing against ten thousand troops of darkness. But let us not bow down in defeat, for we have victory at our fingertips- The Lord of all triumph at our side and the greatest weapon on our lips.

Let us live a life of prayer, asking in your Name for what is only possible by your power- your works…. that changes us first, so that we may be used by you for your kingdom good.

Help us to remember that it is not our duty, but yours to change lives and soften hearts toward you. And that you are always at work, watering seeds, even when it feels like ground is dry and barren and the seeds we plant have been snatched just as quickly as we’ve sown them.

Because with you, nothing is impossible, only possible.

A few loaves fed five thousand, mere morals have walked the water, the lame have been healed and the dead have been raised to life again!

Those who pillaged your people have come to save them and those who’ve denied you, now preach your word! For your Kingdom is made of outcasts and sinners now redeemed and the sick and broken, healed and spared….

including me. 

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But we mustn’t forget the key to such power; Giving thanks for what may seem impossible, but is possible, only through Christ.

Let my thanksgiving precede the miracle, each and every day, in every circumstance – big and small – hard or joyful.

For it is all a gift and it will all be used for good, if we’ll simply give it to you in thanks.


One thought on “When all seems hopeless and you feel like a freak

  1. Pingback: Show me that He cares | Seeking Grace

For a long time I felt unnoticed and longed for community- to find “my people.” You are it! Please know your presence here means something to me, so don’t be a stranger. I read every comment both on the blog and on social media and do my absolute best to respond to every one!

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