I knew it was there hidden deep in my heart.
Unbelief. Doubt. Distrust.
And it causes me on many days to stumble in my stance of faith.
Does he really forgive me, becuase I sure can’t understand why…. Are his plans for my life truly good, becuase I recount over and over again the pain in my past and i’m still struggling to see how it’s been used for good….. Can he truly change me and refine me into likeness of a perfect man? Me? Ya right…
Like Sarah, I chuckle to myself, not in delight at how great my God is, but at him, in unbelief.
My head might know these things – sure I can recite the scripture I’ve so carefully studied in attempt to know God’s word. But my heart doesn’t know it, truly know it. Somewhere in the midst of the learning and doing “for God” – in my pursuit to check off every boxes in my “this makes me a good christian” list – I haven’t stopped long enough to just be still with him and let my heart catch up with my mind.
The truth hasn’t seeped into the crevices of the darkest recesses of my soul.
“I need to know these things,” I shared, “with my heart not just my head. Im afraid that if I don’t, I won’t be able to weather whats ahead. Life is hard and I’ve somehow tricked myself for years into thinking it should be easy. I read story after story after story and I’m moved by peoples faith and deliberate choice to see the good, count blessings and give God glory, regardless of circumstance. And if it were me, I’m afraid I’ll fail. I’ll fall away. I’ll run from him in ungratefulness and the “old me” will resurface.”
“Thats a lot of fear.” He said
Right. I thought… fear is not of The Lord.
“Sounds to me like you’re not standing on God’s promises.
Bam. There it was; the one thing I’ve been trying to do but can’t seem to master. [which frustrates this A-type more than anything else]
I know these things alright. When temptation and attacks surround you and lies of the dark saturate your thoughts, speak truth over them! Shine light into the darkness and the darkness will have no hold.
But the trouble is, everytime I try to do that, my mind runs blank…. what truth rebukes this, I think?
God’s word isn’t stamped in my mind like it should be. It doesn’t permiate my being like a resounding gong.
We arrive at the place where my longing soul feels at home. We take our seats.
Within minutes, I’m laughing out loud, but this time with him, in pure delight…. answers to every unformed prayer and wrestle of my heart from the 3 minute drive to church.
“I want you to know God’s promises,” our Pastor spoke, “To without question, know who you are in him, who he is in you- who it is that is with you! Because in that, there is no room for fear. No option of unbelief and a trust that laughs with God, not at him, in the face of darkness.”
Out poured a list of promises, the very ones He’d been calling me to stand on…
- Matthew 5:48
- 1 John 1:9
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- John 3:16
- Ephesians 2:8,9
- Romans 10:9
- Matthew 11:28
- Jude 24
- Proverbs 3:5
- Psalm 34:7
- Joshua 1:9
- Isaiah 41:10
- Psalm 23:4
- Jeremiah 29:11
I smiled and mouthed a silent thank you.
Join me friends as I embark on a journey to memorize God's promises each week and unpack the truth of what they mean for me- for you- right now in our everyday ordinary lives. I would encourage to print off one each week and hang it somewhere you'll see it frequently. For me, thats the bathroom mirror, my car visor (flip down at each stop light to recite) , my purse and sometimes the inside of our fridge! God willing, I'll be sharing how he is using these truths to shape, refine and stretch me, bringing me closer to him. Join me, won't you? #whatyouknowbyheartyourheartknows