As someone who has yet to expeience the joys of children, I can honestly reveal that I’ve envied those who have. But perhaps not for the reason you’d think…
Many have shared with me that it was experiencing the unconditional love they feel for their own children, that helped shape and shed light on the reality of God”s love for them.
I’ve always struggled with idea of God being my father. Perhaps because my upbringing resembled much of Loreli and Rory’s on the Gilmore Girls. I have never experienced the words of a daddy telling me I was special- that I worth more than anything in this world.. worth fighting for.
So, deep down, I’ve longed for the day when I concieve, believing it would cure this untouched revelation in me.
As I pondered this one day, my sweet labradoodle, Guinness, rounded the corner, poking his head in to see what I was up to. He always does that, following me into every room of the house, every second of the day, just to be near me. Heaven forbid I leave him in a different room for even a minute. It breaks the sweet pups heart.
It was in that moment that it hit me and the Holy Spirit gently cradled and rocked my understanding of His love…
“I want you to fall in love with me the way Guinness loves you- to follow me around, mimicking my every step, like a love-sick puppy dog, whether it leads you to the next room or an unfamiliar place to explore for the afternoon or weekend. I want you to come to me when you’re hungry and thirsty, dependant on me for nourishment that gives life. I want you to want to just be with me, whether it is to play, cuddle or simply sit in silence in the same room- not because you want something from me, but simply becuase it doesn’t feel right when we’re apart. I want you to run, fetching the people and things I throw your way, until I tell you it’s time to rest. I want you to lay down in submission without me forcing you to, knowing I want to embrace you and love on you, not harm you.
I want you to know my voice, even in the dark, and instinctively chase after me when I walk ahead. I want you to trust me, despite your limited understanding of what I speak to you- to listen attentively, hanging on to my every word waiting desperately to catch just one you know and can take action on. And when you do- hear a word that resonates inside you- I want you to pounce instinctevly, eager to please and do as I’ve commanded. I want your world to be small, cenetered on m, on no one and nothing else!”
Dear Lord, teach me to be as a pup, to love you loyally, putting you rightfully at first place in my heart and attention. Give me the desire to be with you, please you and chase after you with everything I’ve got.