Confessions of a Co-Pilot

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I’ve been frustrated. First with myself, then with others and then ultimately God. This period of roadblocks has turned into a time of detours and waiting…and waiting… and waiting. Have a I mentioned waiting? and I HATE waiting. I’m impatient, stubborn and most times, a know it all. And while that might get me far in somethings, it does little to encourage my [Big, Almighty, All Knowing, Remarkable] God.

Fervently I’ve prayed; For his wisdom, guidance and blessing, I seek daily. For me, my business is my ministry. I’m loud, authentically honest and not afraid to share my story and my faith. My gifts are best used in unconventional and modern evangelistic efforts. If a woman like me can find the need for God, than no one, I mean no one is out of reach.

Im an A-type, perfectionist, OCD, self motivated,  go-getter, determined, business minded, smart ass. And for years I saw that as a blessing. I felt invincilble in what I thought would bring me happiness and success. But little did I know, the things I once loved about myself, I now come to despise from time to time. You see they get in the way… the way of God and his beautiful craftsmanship of my life! 

Prior to becoming a Christian I remember hearing [upon multiple occasions] Pastors speak about God using the meek, humble and the ordinary. He’d far rather use them than the boastful and talented. And I’ll be honest, it took me ages to truly understand why!

Here’s how it works. The prideful know they need God and they love him, no less than others. And many a times, they find themselves on their knees declairing their commitment and adoration of our Lord. They see clearly their purpose in him and set out to make disciples of all nations. But somewhere along the way, “they get the hang of it.” And slowly but surely, the prayers become more frequent yet rapid and the listening and seeking of guidance dwindles. At first God nudges, “this way child.” Then he beckens and finally he slams the doors in their face and crickets follow... for what feels like eternity. 

Those balls that were rolling run still. Those prayers are left unanswered. And their left to simply wait and ponder what happened. “Where did I go wrong?”

They didn’t technically. They just started playing pilot rather than co-pilot. God’s the author of our fairytale and he’s privileged to know the nuances of our cliff hangers. Without him, we’re useless when we hit those chapters. So when we try and where the Captain hat, he leaves us there longer than we’d [and he’d, im sure] like.

That brings us to now and my case of frustrations. It’s my own fault. I see now my ego got in the way. I took the reigns back without even realizing it and  it took some off-course travels for me to see my stubbornness clearly.

Forgive me Lord. I see my need for you and I desire your will for my life more than anything else in this world. Teach me your ways, humble my heart and lead me.

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2 thoughts on “Confessions of a Co-Pilot

  1. I loved reading your post! It reminds me of well, me. I was totally in control and type-A before, too. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with the tendency to take back the reigns like I do. Blessings to you as you continue in your journey, realizing that God always has control (especially when we don’t)!

    Anna

    • Thanks Anna for taking the time to reading it and for sharing your resonation with it! It is great to know theres others out there who struggle with these things [even though we do know it, hearing it can make us feel better at times 😉 ] and can encourage us to continue in our walk. Be blessed!

For a long time I felt unnoticed and longed for community- to find “my people.” You are it! Please know your presence here means something to me, so don’t be a stranger. I read every comment both on the blog and on social media and do my absolute best to respond to every one!

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