Have you ever met that couple, who beam when they tell you they’ve never fought? “We just get along. It’s easy. We don’t need to fight!”
Or how about the friend who tries to console you after a fight with your spouse, by blaming the other and holding a grudge against them. As if the amount you fight, is a measuring stick for success or failure!
I get frustrated when I hear this and my heart breaks for them. Because the truth of the matter is, marriage and real life isn’t easy and it’s not always a breeze to get along.
Marriage is two individuals, trying to live, think and be as ONE. There’s bound to be clashes, compromise and struggle. And with that, comes fighting. To some, fighting is a calm discussion and to others, its a scream fest! But boiled down, fighting is healthy. And if you can’t master it in the beginning, over “insignificant” issues, than what’s to happen when the hard stuff creeps in: raising children, purchasing a home, prioritizing and merging finances. Then there’s the possibility of tragedy. These times will test you, shake you and potentially, turn your world upside down. Your communication and ability to support each other is imperative and it’s in struggles (ie: fighting) that you master and harness your skills.
I believe, among many, this is a major reason for the high divorce rate now-a-days. The minute people hit a rough patch, they feel threatened personally and in their marriage. We’ve been programmed to believe it should be easy and our spouse should just accept us, for who we are; believing our individual needs, come before our needs as a couple. But that’s ridiculous! Real love forces you to grow, learn and adapt. And without realizing that, you put yourself at risk of failing.
You are no longer two, but one.
Almost every sounds marriage I know of, has hit a hard patch. One that blew like a tornado through a healthy and seemingly “unshakable” relationship. It was their practice in the easy stuff, that gave way to success. They were able push through, knowing their marriage was not in jeopardy and ultimately, they’d come out stronger!
I encourage you to take advantage of the small stuff: work through the issues now and sharpen your communication skills. So when the tough stuff comes, you’re ready to tackle it, rather than run away…..from it all.
ps: Want a little guidance? I highly recommend this book. Learn how now, so when and if things happen, you’re prepared!