Feeling the Fear

The last three months I’ve felt off. Low energy, slightly dizzy, a little edgy, can’t sleep, more tense than normal, eating makes me queasy and way too many moments of feeling weird. {no, I’m not pregnant for the 1 millionth time} I don’t know of any other way to explain it. I thought I had a bug, was working out too hard, eating the wrong things, or a funny combination of everything.

Yesterday it came to a head.

During a beautiful afternoon trail run with my mom, I started to shake. I felt nauseous, sore, crampy and overwhelmingly ill. I pushed, harder and harder in hopes of pushing through it. Instead, I wound up in bed for the evening, missing both my brothers birthday and my daddy’s fathers day! I lay there furious at myself for pushing and angry I was listening to laughter, rather than being a part of it. I didn’t know how  a run {which I do, almost daily} could get me here. At the end of the evening my mom grabbed me a blanket,  invited me outside to their riverside patio and plunked me down in a rocking chair. We started talking, about nothing in particular {or so I thought} and within a few short minutes, the answers to how I had been feeling, were staring me in the face.



The unknown.

I should have known, but I chose to ignore it. Here I had been praying for months, that God would open the doors I needed to be “secure” enough to leap. But that’s the thing. It’s called “taking a leap” and “blind faith” for a reason. I had been holding onto a security blanket and expecting God to listen and support me, but I couldn’t do the same for him! “If your request is wrong, he answers {No}.  If the timing is wrong, he answers {slow}. If you are wrong, he answers {grow}. If you are right, he answers {Go}.”

I  now know what I have to do.  “Obedience to small revealed truths, guarantees guidance, in matters yet revealed.” Greg Laurie

It’s far from easy, it’s far from simple, is far from comforting. And as I lay in bed last night, these words echoed in my head, loud and louder.

“Feeling the fear, she did it anyway.”


For a long time I felt unnoticed and longed for community- to find “my people.” You are it! Please know your presence here means something to me, so don’t be a stranger. I read every comment both on the blog and on social media and do my absolute best to respond to every one!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s